Two choices, one fear
Dinner time, I can't do it, it's not food at this point, it's just calories on my plate, calories that make me fat. My mother asks me why I don't eat. I say nothing. It’s 2 a.m., I stare at the ceiling, listening to cas. I feel empty - no emotion, no tears. Everything is about food, I cannot think of anything else. In 8 hours, I’m supposed to see a new psychiatrist, but I don’t want any help. Because if they help me, they’ll force me to eat and eating means gaining weight and gaining weight means being fat. I can’t get fatter than I already am. Because if I do so, my dad will hit me and insult me for being like this. And I don’t want that to happen again. I take my phone, Cry just finished, so I put on Space Song, this one makes me feel even emptier than I felt. I open my gallery, all these body checking pictures make me hate myself even more. A notification from Myfitnesspal comes up: “Hey, you forgot to track your calories for dinner!” so I open the app and see: “You ...